FORMAL INTRODUCTION

I want to take the time to give a formal introduction, So you will see this is more than poetic construction, Way beyond the moments where I couldnt function, It was so magnetic I felt the suction, I felt the pull, I layed on the floor, Couldnt move my eyes glued to the door, Sweat tearing out of all my pours, My own brain couldnt take the pain anymore, And like seashells I floated to shore, And my soul is in the midst of this hailing war, But I still wake up after all that I saw, I once took life and I Fucked it raw, But now I look back to correct the flaws, Now a monster slowly silencing his roar, And Christ went to bed in a stable of straw, Now I look all directions for something more

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Sometimes

Sometimes I wonder what she hides beneath her eyes. Lies disguised in smiles but her insides really cry? Or is the truth just covered by her lucious hazel eyes. Was I worth anything? Did you want us to die? But then sometimes I think Im the blame for the pain, But shes the reason I knotted with heroin and cocaine, Shes the reason this mind went strung out insane. Sometimes she has me think sex is just a game, Like she loved me she loved him just the same, Now she put a minefield in the midst of my brain. But there is always the man who seeds the baby in the mother, But the sacraments such stress its relieved with another, Now his baby boy has a new half brother. But thats not my business its just a common factor, Here in America reproduction could be a fracture. Sometimes I feel the sun wont shine on me, Its just a non stop thunderstorm raging inside of me, Nothing but a dud in a dingey lost out in the sea, Or like im sugar fitting in with unsweetened tea, Or too much liquor flipping inside of me, But theres still the jump to oppurtunity, Then sometimes its all let out on looseleaf. Sometimes I stem the leaves all the way to there roots, Way past the point before it went cahoots, Even passed the time I sat in moms belly bored, Before I saw life before I was brought to shore, Was there ever a moment the rich werent better than the poor? Was there ever a difference between a woman and a Whore? Besides one on the corner the other name brand stores? You see sometimes people talk to pat themselves on the back, In carried out conversations common sense is whats lacked, But they go on like they just killed the rest of the crack, More tangents than a timeline the sense is not coming back, How many days have you been up? you should really hit the sack. Sometimes a scapegoat is a mans best friend, But I’ll keep my loyalty it will stay with me till the end, One moral I’d never break or bend, I wont cooporate cause they’re system I dont comprehend, Its nothing but a zoo it fails its amends, The man in the badge will never be your friend . So this knowledge I know with them Ill never share, its all in my head but to them its thin air. Sometimes a judge remands a rehab, Better than the prision so the suspect is glad. But on release date its right back to the streets, paranoia that makes you toss and turn under sheets. The detox is now over now return to the world, The drugs heal the sober once they puzzle with that girl, So now her memory is nothing but body highs and intense colour swirls.

People, Conent People

You ever sit on a train & try to get lost in your brain? But the thoughts start to strain. Conversations are insane! They’re as loud as planes, they numb you to the skull it is cocaine. Try to ignore? Try to refrain? But the vibes a bit more than a perpetual stain. You ever sit in the seat and a brunette walks by? Her bodies a treat definite steal of the eye. How he’d so love to meet but she kept walking by. But it wasnt defeat just a quick nod good-bye. Did you aproach your stop and get ready to leave? Passed a cop and a family who grieved, Passed a block with a Slut who teased, Walked by a church but didnt fall to your knees, Then you walked past recruits but didnt go overseas, Paced passed the park and its mother trees, Walked in the mens room but on the floor you peed, Still flushed the toilet what the Fuck was the need, Just another moment sprouted from a still born seed

Psychonaut

My brain has been damaged mistake like psychonaut, Mind set to space just like an astronaut, Mistakened my reflection to be the jugarnaut. But No Junkie in distress will I die or not? Im a fucking mess now time finally caught Up Up Up & away Then down down down Splash! Hit a wave. Wheres my empathy I so long to crave? My insides come up Ill internally bleed to my grave, This wasnt ecstacy just a mad mans escapade & Im just a cocaroach who was dosed with Fucking raid, Now I feel blood dripping from my brain Now alot more than a perpetual stain, Im tied to the tracks now here comes the train, Outside and In Holy Fuck not the same This is my last moment alive, To my family and friends I love you good-bye, Im sorry I did this I dont know why Dont know why I take or even why I try And while curled up alone I started to cry This cant be it, Dont want to say good-bye But then my stomach falls apart and my life flashes by. This is it megan Im going to die, But she sat there and held me and I didnt know why All I thought to say is I love you and goodbye Now Im greatful to be here & blessed to be alive Cause I cheated death and I dont know why, Dont know how but I really tried, My loved ones pain was engraved in my mind My own shame wandering in mine, So I swear a change Because I am alive So glad it isnt over so glad it was not good bye

Phone Sex With Deaf Chicks

Hey baby ive been around. But all in all do I have you aroused? How could I be aroused when im always caught feeling down, and your getting around, yeah tell him “pin me to the ground”, Then Fuck his brains out making all sorts of sounds, Then do it all again all over the town, Oh yeah im a seagull flying over the sound, Nope just the bleeding and your the bloodhound, Tried to keep it in but you pushed us out of bounds, So I write us all down and make words that astound, At moments I know your throwing yourself around, When I know again you scream as you tell him to pound, But one day you’ll pick from fields and I will wear my crown, And my crown is my pride which I just wont let down, For me cinder blocks, but a circus for the town. For them a million covers the fact they have no dicks, But a million folds under when you have no wit, Go ahead fool around catch disease from there dicks then come to me it will be phone sex with deaf chicks. Ask if im aroused? Ill say you make me sick, Sorry im a man & you wont disease my dick And mental misery on me you wont afflict, Then you make me veinless and my body obtains drips, Jumping ten grades higher than just bong hits, This is wont get to so a bong is what ill hit, Making sure on me no more pain you inflict, So go ahead and jump from dick to dick, I promise my next one wont be like this, Just had to vent cause I was getting sick, But theres some parts of the brain that you cannot fix, So as long as you hoe and you hop from dick to Dick, Better belive im having phone sex with deaf chicks

A Bible

A bilbe sits on my desk for what reasons I dont Know, I read that Bitch from front to back then I let my faith go. The Gunshot! Now with the flow, To where it doesnt even know, The unknown tracing back to history Piece together yourself solve the mystery I could feel a fuckin faith in every Fuckin inch of me I could feel above but I dont think its Heaven And I step on below there is no Hell, people shoot guns soldiers are dead men But politics is all a joke the truth they’ll never tell, They’ll leave god to save you all from burning in Hell. Ok! Really think so? Take a second thought then let your mind go, The answers will come just enjoy the show. Dont call it faithless Cause I do believe, Cause a plant did sprout from a still born seed, But history to me does not decieve I see men today give in to they’re greed, Money is the apple & they’re Adam and Eve, I watch wars Kill, Profile, And seperate, Nuclear Power Determines fate, And I read God Let 3 Generations Waste, All cause one made a minor mistake. The old testament theres your proof, Dont take my Words as a Fuckin spoof, This is eyes in the bible Gods honest truth, That I just spilled me a scum junkie youth. Constructing new styles for In Knowing Whats Best Promise to share more beneath my chest, I have the blessed mother Im considered Blessed, Time To take a break Ill be back with the rest.

Back Talk

A second of shock, White out before impact An artist fading out the words he’s taking back The car crash flamed,Blackout to the scene, Like mascara painted on so her face cant be seen, Like a junkie closing up he’s never coming clean. A second a woman. Second thought a toy, Whose just making a man from an innocent boy, No! She is the toddler and he is the toy, More than her heart gets filled with joy, A boat to sail we could all say ahoy, Now at the end of the day just who is the toy? Its just a big pond and were all koi, Just don’t become sushi covered in soy, Or pretty colours in a can for someone to enjoy, Fuck it your a spaceship & its your time to deploy.

The Writer

Stem from a past you’d want to forget Just for a second Finish your drink and light your cigarette Blink your eyes what do you let in? Something I look back at every day But I became better keeping myself at bay Sit back and inhale let my mind be taken away My form of therapy thats frowned upon But it doesnt stop me from hitting the bong Grabbing a pen and in my words I’ll be gone You see? Im the hurt who jsut got higher & with a pen and a pad I developed a writer Its a verbal war how I hate to fight her But in all the agression I developed a writer Now feelings for her are graved at sea, it all F**ked off now I write poetry Im a verbal war whos now on the brink Fascinated by thoughts words and ink With every sentence I jot another battleship sinks But every line that is dropped I get lost in a jynx Its an outer body trip away from mankind A walk thru the past the good and bad times A look at what is only tracing paper just covers what was never said see you later Its all the same at a different time But I write for change and to take back whats mine I write so one day the sun can still shine Even if it rains the sun will be out No longer this screaming mind will shout So then it wont rain over this new route When I look back at what I’ve seen I need to take the time to close my eyes and dream Tell myself the air I breathe is still clean I wont be affected by whats not that seems Carry on my way and the nightmare just weins

Humor: Me Taking Some Credit Cause I Took All The Blame

Enough of my misery time to make myself laugh,
Like a pyro horny with his matches and gas,
Or a kid jumping in a puddle…Spash!,
A soothing ointment for an itchy rash,
Or a pothead smoking some really good hash,
Better than the best of the drug dealers stash.
Or how about a sumo wrestler Jump and JIGGLE,
Or self depressed chumps with themselves they fiddle,
ha! Im the Riddler and here is a riddle.
A puppet Master cutting his puppets strings,
A bird its first time sprouting its wings,
The world moving from Google to Bing,
A monotone fool grows a lung to sing,
A string player redesigning 6 strings,
Or the fake,the plastic wearing prosthetic rings,
Allergic and you still get a bee sting,
Your turn in show-and-tell what did you bring?
A monkey holding terd and now he will fling,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Julie Andrews, No! The sound of music Yes!,
Or the feelings from pink and blue press,
I caused my high school so much stress,
are you staring at every chicks breasts,
But with all this no incest!
Say fuck Christ but love the blessed,
Guessing every answer on your final test,
Letting some humor out of my chest!
You have a mouse problem,
I’ll leave food for that pest.
Your mothers family portrait, I draw a dick and some breast,
If your father calls your house I’ll say you moved out west,
Then motorboat a chick with no chest,
Its bombs not bullets for her bulletproof vest,
Its saying Fuck to some and Cunt to the rest.
I am sorry to vent my disgusting brain
But due to my past my presents insane,
Every once in a while I share the stain,
That comes from a mind Acid cut w cocaine,
And my countless other flights on a jet plane,
But I laugh cause its a lion and his maine,
Shows im not on the tracks I ride the train
Its still seeing beauty like a lake and a craine
a little construction with a wrecking ball crane
Its expression till my brain is drained,
Me taking some credit cause I took all the blame.

Talking To The Blessed

I think to myself but my brain is being strained,
pasta in a bowl till all the waters drained,
Mixed emotion love, hate, grace, and pain,
Is it reaching for the sky or falling from a plane?
Is it irrational or is this speaking sane.
Blessed please help kill this burden on my brain.
Please I beg you! This is Epileptic Deja Vu,
The main characters me and I am you.
Third person speaking Im a narrator,
And I need help taming this beast like gator.
I could say I do but you know I dont hate her,
I can scream disappear but you know I cant fade her,
Life could be a bitch but you know I cant waste her.
So this is me talking, speaking out to you
Throw me any challenge, please let me see it through,
Once I was injections and kids with the flu,
But since then a little I somewhat grew.
But its a long way to go
and I hope what im walking is the right flow,
Cause it feels so right you dont even know
And Blessed right now I go underoath,
No more I want to hang from a rope,
I know im not perfect but im far away from dope,
Cause now I filled my heart with a little hope,
No more on my impulse do I try to scope..
So my prayer to you will come in a cue,
Your love is the antidote for my flu.
“Hail Mary Your Full Of Grace,
My soul is with the,
its your heart of gold and precious purity,
A stable ending of an insecurity,
Help me hold together what evers left in me
Help me bring out whats really best in me,
Dont let me float off to the depths of the sea,
Im finding new doors please help me find the key.
And I will keep striving for that happy end,
That being said Goodnight and Amen

Recollection of My Self

Pitch black in the morning, theres a person in the road
No! Just deleary of someone long ago,
Promises and plans but it was all such and so,
Delusions walked a different path, I rolled a different flow.
“Have We Met Before”
I bit on my lip I tasted my gore,
No response not even sure..
So close but distant memories of being a kid,
But this was all underneath my eyelids.
Cause I awoke on the road,
Freely highway bound always on the go,
Ride the highways to where ever they know.
Black top path at the end do you promise?,
Evert mile sign passed I think how bad I want this,
White lies along the way do they exit off to honest,
Might fuck up some smalls,but big I wont I promise.
Stop screaming your steps ahead of Hell,
And I take the time to recollect myself
Second touching these reminding feelings that I felt,
Metranome to the beat going inside myself.
Ambulance? No just an S.U.V.
On the highway in the middle of remaining trees,
Driving past the points of X,Y,Z
Far now started before A,B,C
But I exit to the right he disappears to the left of me,
And the sun is sweating a little further west of me,
All I remember before my eyes close,
Seratonin off pause now continue the show,
Closed eyed visuals continued the flow,
Recollecting myself like I dont even know.
Now the river is a mirror and Im staring down me,
But my reflection seems to breathe better than me,
And it let out a current that pulled right to the sea
Ripples just remain how could this be?
The third and final look is unclear to see,
But i’ll find these answers hidden inside of me.
So splash make me go invisible,
I know I am not fucking invincible.
But I know I am better than what is perceived,
There is a berathing soul living inside of me,
Reviving myself inside vivid poetry,
My constant reminder of this gracious hope in me,
And this isnt perfection I hope you can see,
Just enlightenment me getting to know me.
Its opening doors and not abusing ecstacy,
Let my life be filled with grace and empathy
I spoke out to the blessed now I speak out to myself,
Dont let your home burn to a living hell,
Barricade the meteorites with a platonic shell,
Dont feed in to this dirty glass that they sell,
Or $7 Fuckin 50 at Taco Bell,
Dont let yourself poison the drinking well,
Now your mind wont internally swell,
No more saying Ill see you in Hell,
Embraced the blessed now clenching myself
Then the illusion all around starts to wein,
But morals not forgot after stating its a dream

Pollygraphs & Percocet

Layed down on a matress with a lit cigarette
Melt into the comfort the beds a percocet.
You see this once meant a hostile dopeamine
The lost soul of an angst filled teen,
Who a thousand times over was struck o the spleen
Now he’s looking at life trying to adore her,
Sometimes looking for answers in Euphoria
So one day on life it wont pour on her.
The air becomes open the atmosphere settles,
Slow motion takes affect and nerves no longer wrestle,
Now its nothing but a single drop on a pedal,
On a rose that floated on to where??
It was all just illusion underneath my hair,
Next thing I know im stuck in a stare,
My vision doubles up in my crazy glue glare,
And my breathing body becomes one with the air,
Start to see the light the S.O.S. of a flare,
When your one with the skies do you ammend this light?
Dont abuse these frequent flyer nights.
Summers coming to its close,
Time to change into warmer clothes.
Now time to expand what is known.
Its time to make change a little at least,
Time to give everyone a bite of the peach

On A Napkin In My Pocket (28 Bars)

It was done once before that is breaking habbits
Training an animal that has gone rabbid.
Could this be done? I thought it was impossible,
Never say never & never have I spoke more logical
Cause only you can stop you from being unstopable
Dont let no one tell you the sky is not possible
Cause Ive seen the ill survive without them seeing a hospital
Faith and motive is sometimes more than logical
And if you dont want to take a second to believe
Then stuck minded arrogance is what you’ll perceive
Not looking at a plant that was a still born seed
Loosing thoughts in some sick delerious greed
Your characters to me they do not decieve
Yes Im high it was great tree
And this is the truth written from the inside of me
Then its read by fools who call it “just poetry”
And theyll never open up so they will never really see
Sometimes there are doors and these words are the key
That leads you to the ocean sail on a calm sea
or mustard gas in words that will make you internally bleed
Fuck you I dont care cause this is my hope in me
Bit the curb to many times now so you see
I used to spill blood no longer I bleed
Cause I write it all down and make poetry
Surgery? Come and try to open up me
Your urgent plea? see if I attend thee
Plastic and paper your just pretend to me
You blew your chance so you wont ammend with me

Pour Me Another Drink

its about to get vicious
im about toget twisted
its saying no to the draft that they say i am listed
setting motive to a mind and mind to a mission
you can say all you want god damn you’ll still listen
im the shark you caught tuna fishin
and no this firmly aint me bitchen
this is me giving back there gift of infliction
im climbing out of a hole fighting winds of affliction
not living life by a black magic superstition
Seperating wit from an all might wisdom
Now let me put a little more than smarts in them
Who am I? just a wolf ascending
Not looking at mistakes to be the ending
Reflection meets is eye and I start to convulse
Soul acting on a sheer impulse
But a feelings something deep, habits always want more
I still vision the sun though the sky pours
but its straight in a glass simply stated a drink
this is sparking friction coming from the soul of my ink
Physical addiction my anchor heart starts to sink
adrenaline of hope seconds after a blink
Hit by D-Day now all orientals are chinks
Do you catch my drift Im filled with metaphors
Suck in a hallway with a couple dozen doors
With a coule dozen people in one gigantic circle
But everyones walls put them in a hurdle
A high chair a bib a crib and a gurdle.
Now staring at myself I get this drafty chill,
an angel showing God that he coul pop a pill
The second before the blesseds tears spill
His wings break off an his pulse goes still
The devil is ancy staring out the window sill
The angel spits up coming down to a will
A demon growing sick to the curing ill
Moments of misery becomethe outsiders fill
A crackhead whose calmed by nothin but crill
But the world keeps turning time never holds still
They look at the world and call it in recesion
I look at myself and call it manic depression
But with these elements I have this obsession
One day ill find the true value of this message
One day close my eyes and let a deep breath in
Not drowning from the drink that caused a spin
Grace and beauty Ill finally let in

A Paper Plane From A Dollar Bill

Boy, shadow on the floor do I put you to shame
Rage after a whore now he’s inflamed,
Or the Ego out the wall could it be tamed?
Or a fearing hopeful whose wrecklessly insane
That is present day, well now yesterday
Years down the line doesnt seem so far away.
Take a single dollar bill and fold it up to a paper plane
Instead of rolling the snorter to sniff pills and cocaine,
Mingling with a will and provoking a stain,
But one of my brothers wants to hear about a plane,
While everything around is close to insane?
Lets fix this up and shut this dark cloud down
Seeing beauty in the dark untill the light comes out
Behind me or not ill strive for that without a doubt.

Soothe This Screaming Soul With The Rhythm Of My Heart

Words have a voice and I’ve felt the impact
But took a few wrong turns in the face I got smacked
I just let myself go out of whack,
But now I have all the pieces to put back on track
And now I will hold it even if it breaks my back
What am I? I am only human
But this plant has a flower and it started bloomin,
Sometimes thats paused when the feeling starts brewing
I appear so psychotic sometimes come off hoarse
But for what I have done I have remorse
And yes Ill admit that im quite lost
I hate feeling nailed to this God Damn Cross
In my head on and on this will go
Never once forgot never once said so
Im far from a junkie wont let myself be a hoe
Sometimes I fall far off track but I wont let myself go
I have aot to learn with it I will grow
In my actions and around it all will show
“Life Is Beautiful” but you have to grasp the glow
& I have this hope like you dont even know.
I climbed a cliff and then jumped off,
Put my state in somewhat of a pause
But I ridded the lines threw out the straws.
Im coming back because this is not over
Just a last second finding of a blood donor
This isnt the end the beginning my friend
Maybe not now but soon you’ll comprehend
By the grace of an angel sitting on a cloud,
it kept my soul screaming rather loud
Then there are moments where I wont make a sound
But I want to live life with my feet on the ground
And I want to bring my loved ones around
I want you to see the grace of my heart,
I want to build I dont want to rip apart.
Now is the time to grasp this beautiful,
I know this purpoe is something more meaningful
So tomorrow I wake with a clarity head
Shake my self out this god damn bed.
Start building whats broken start fixing myself,
It wont be over night but one day all will be well.

Chlorine Clouds The Colour

Chlorine clouds the colour on your favorite shirt, Scoring sounds her thunder, & demises your worth. But its nothing more than an internal bruise Whiting out mistakes but reminding black and blues. She holds the strings controlling what you do, And after getting the shot she still gives the flu, But the grass is still green and the sky still blue, And as for me boy, Im still a brother to you. Detoxing with you, the futures hidden behind a cloud, So whats not there is going to bring you down? I see whats in front of my eyes, & I know she comes to with surprise, Though love was the only thing she implied, And betrayal was the only pressure applied, Just reincarnaton to after you died. And brother the music we will make will be the medicine Not the temporary relief of vicodin That second long feeling, sobrietys a spin. But the words you right are so sincere Your just a little fuzzy from the benzos and beer, This sounds like resolutions for the new year, But its just me stating break your anger and fear, Cause only you in your life were meant to steer.

Pluto IS A Planet...Jackass

I tell myself over, over, and over again Make yourself 12 on a 1 thru 10 Dont give up never stop on trying Just scrapes and scabs your not dying Pick the pieces up put a smile on your face Make sugar & cinamon from so called toxic waste Vultures Circling? Make them doves swaying To the sea of stars I watch on the ground just laying. Yes my head saturned between a noose But I somehow manage to get myself loose So Saturn has its rings in the sky for I shoot The sky I dreamed of in a carriage as a youth Pluto is a planet thats the straight up truth & with all 9 in my head I play Duck Duck Goose But im bored with this pattern time to let loose. Kick myself in the a$$ at least out of the chair Splash water in my face & pull myself by the hair Show outside how much your in really cares Show them how bad I want to see this breathing soul As if its diamond from what once was coal Lifes acapella to taking back control Not a flag blowing half mass on a 10 foot pole You cant change the solar system just yourself god dammit Warding off wrong doing Protest to ban it And the last I left off Pluto IS a Planet!